


Everything I never told you

by Mellie07



Category: Bodyguard (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-10 12:01:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17425505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mellie07/pseuds/Mellie07
Summary: What if David made to the podium in time?  What if Julia walked away with minor injuries while David was barely surviving in the hospital? What if David had a plan prior to St Matthews and began working through the conspiracy surrounding Thornton Circus?





	1. What Happened?

**Author's Note:**

> I am an American from the south, so if I miss or mess up British slang, please forgive my American-ness.

Julia Montague is a lot of things, the Home Secretary, a parliament member, maybe the future PM, and an ex wife to a prick.   Right now, Julia Montague is a mess.  Her body...doesn't describe him...her boy...no her lov...her David is in surgery and she is running out of reasons to remain at the hospital.  Her broken collarbone has her arm in a sling and she has a mild concussion that can monitored from home...by her mother, who somehow is in town.  Heaven help her, shot at, blown up, and now at the tender mercies of her mother, who sent her to boarding school for a reason.  None of that matters, David, the man she could love is in surgery because he saved her...again. Except Julia is not entirely certain how and she has played arriving at St. Matthews, speaking with David, going on stage to give her speech, David and Kim running towards her, and then BOOM over and over in her mind.  She has spent the last five hours in this uncomfortable hospital chair waiting to hear something and trying to figure out how this happened, how her David could be so hurt. 

_Flashback_

_"Security comes from education, comes from good jobs." I notice David starts moving towards the stage and I find it odd after he Tom and Kim have spent the entire speech circling the auditorium.  I decide to keep giving my speech until David gives me reason not to continue.  "together we can" and that's the moment I feel David tackle me.  Then I hear the loudest boom and I can't hear, breathe or see.  I feel David on top of me, protecting me.  His Scottish brogue is barely coming through his deep breaths.  "hang on ma'am help will be here soon, you're doing great ma'am.  See I told  you this is what I do."  I open my eyes and I look at him, I can see him fading out even while he is trying to comfort me.  "David , you foolish man...why?  Just hang on David!  Think about Ella and Charlie and watching them grow up." My mouth is filled with ash and I can barely get this out even while David is spitting blood.  He looks at me and whispers "I want to be by your side because it's our choice not my job."  Then a little louder "don't worry ma'am the Calvary is here and you will be safe now.  You're the principle"   He closes his eyes and I rush to check his pulse.  I look up and see the armed officers and emergency services running towards us. I start screaming for them to help him, to save him, and I know I have tears running down my face. They take David off me and I feel his absence instantly and I crawl towards him because it hurts too much. How am I supposed to do this without him.  I hear emergency services shouting at me and I ignore him. Then I hear him again  "Home Secretary are you okay?  We need to get you out of  here."  I give the man a shaky nod and ask "what about David, he needs your help more than me.  Please help him!"   "Home Secretary, you are our priority we need to get you out of here and to safety.  This location is not safe. Someone will be along to help your PPO"  I then feel myself being lifted off David and carried out the auditorium._

The blood and dust is gone, the emptiness left by David is still there, so now I sit and wait.  The only reason they haven't forced me out is that my new PPO has not been assigned and it is a security risk to leave the hospital or I imagine I would already be back at the Blackwood without answers about David.  I am brought out of my misery when I see a young woman with dirty blond hair come running in to the nurses' station and breathlessly alerts them that she Vicky Budd, David's Budd's wife.  This is Vicky, David's love and the mother of his children.  She's pretty in an Emma Watson type of way.   The nurses alert her that they will let the doctor know she is here and she walks to the wall and leans against texting on her phone.  She doesn't notice me and I observe her and hope that I will be able to hear the doctor's update.  I am nothing here to David and being the Home Secretary and David being my PPO does not amount to much when it comes to medical information.  I see the nurse and doctor walking towards Vicky and get up to walk a little closer so I can hear.  Vicky looks up and immediately starts asking questions about David's health. I see the doctor hold his hands up to slow the questions.  

"Ms. Budd, I am Dr. Smith and I am assisting on your husband's surgeries.  He sustained multiple injuries in the explosion, including third and fourth degree burns.  His pelvis was broken and the orthopedist is confident he will walk without a limp if he makes it through this.  We had to remove his spleen and he had two broken ribs that led to his collapsed lung.  We are monitoring his heart because he has flat lined twice on the operating table.  We monitoring his brain because there was a brain bleed on his CT scan and we will be operating for several more hours. Your husband condition is serious and we will continue to get his body back together.  This is my nurse Nancy and she will bring you updates on your husband's condition while he is in the operating room.  I will come back when he is out of surgery."  The doctor walked off and Vicky let out a sob.  Nancy rubbed her back and asked her if she needed anything.  Vicky declined

I tried to hold everything in and had to limp painfully to the bathroom.  I locked the door and stuffed my fist in my mouth to try to cover up my sob to hide the anguish that I cannot show I am feeling.  PS David Budd is Home Secretary Julia Montague's PPO and is nothing more.  David could have been Julia's everything.  I'm not sure how long I have been in the bathroom and somehow I am on the floor.  Normally, I would think about how unsanitary that is, but right now I only feel lost.  I clean my face as well as I can and leave the bathroom.  Vicky has moved to a chair and Anne Sampson and David's boss, Craddack? are speaking with her.  I sit back in my seat and observe, it appears they are offering well wishes to Vicky.  Anne Sampson notices me and walks over.  

"Home secretary, I am glad to see you're okay and I was sorry to hear about your PPO officer. SO15 has started the investigation and we are confident that we will find the answers about the St. Matthews Bombing." All I really want to do is punch her and yell that I don't care who bombed the fucking place.  I want to scream if SO15 had done their fucking job to begin with and prevented the terror threat from rising then David wouldn't be taken a part and put back together in this stupid hospital.  Instead, I give her my best politician smile and giver her nod, "thank you Anne, I hope you will be able to catch those responsible this time before someone else tries to kill me." All I get in return is a curt "ma'am" as she walked away. Good riddance.

Craddack walks over and I notice the Vicky has noticed me. She is watching me, observing.  Craddack, I am still not sure if that's her name, starts talking to me about safety and security.  She explains that no one on my current security team can continue to protect me due to Tom having a concussion, Kim breaking her leg, and then there's David.  She explains that Tom should be able to return in the next week if I want him to continue. She introduces me to PS Webb and I shake his hand.  I feel Vicky's eyes on me and I struggle to listen to Craddack and Webb discuss my safety.  I look over to Vicky and she beckons me over.  I give her small nod to show I understand and continue to not listen to Craddack and Webb.  After they finish, Webb reports that we are ready to return to the hotel and ask to wait a few more moments, so I can speak with PS Budd's wife.

I walk over to Vicky and as I walk over, she stands to sit in the chairs facing the wall.  I sit down next to her and all she says is "just in case they left a listening device and this way they cannot read our lips."  I raise my eyebrow because I was not expecting this from a nurse who lives in South London.  "Home Secretary"  I interrupt her to give permission to call me Julia because her children's father just threw himself in front of a bomb for me and she gives me permission her Vicky.  "Julia" she starts again, "Dave came to my home last night and he was very upset."  I had been playing with the thread on my pants and looked at her shocked because I did not know that he left after I locked him out of my room.  Vicky noticed my reaction and nodded.  I thought I heard her mumble "thought so" then louder, "you must be different than you are on the news because Dave wouldn't have said what he did last night."  I currently feel more confused, David almost chokes me to death then goes home to speak with his wife.  My confusion must have showed.

"Dave came over at 3 am and started rambling about how he needed to get help, so he could be a better man and father.  I was shocked because Dave and I separated because of his PTSD.  I was scared he would hurt me or the kids due to how out of hand it was getting.  Then he turns up and tells me he wants to get help and at first I thought he was saying it to put our family together, which I wasn't sure I wanted.  I go to tell him that and out of no where he blurts that he wants a divorce.  I never thought he would ask for one and it kind of threw my world off it's axis.  He went on to explain how holding on to this marriage wasn't healthy for him especially if we are not in love anymore.  He explained how he would always love me, but he realized it was over between us.  Dave was almost like the man I married last night. I had not seen him so happy since he got home from Afghanistan and even thought he isn't going to be my Dave any more, I was really proud of him."  Vicky has tears in her eyes as she tells me this and I am awe struck by David.  I don't know if he was doing this for us or if he was ready to get help, but either way I couldn't help but be proud of him too. In all of this I almost missed Vicky saying David wasn't hers anymore.  

"Julia, I know why you are wondering why I am telling you this and why I needed to hide my separation from my husband from them because it's not exactly a state secret. I told you that to give you hope because I am pretty sure you have been the only person he has been around for the past three weeks to fall for due to him staying with you at the hotel."  I give her a small smile, but I cannot say much else and I try to convey the feelings I have for David through my eyes.  She gives me a nod like she understands.  "Now the reason for the secrecy.  While he was over, he asked me to give you this if something were to happen to him."  She pulls an airbook and a journal out of her bag and hands it to me.  I look over the journal and notice that it is filled with handwritten notes.  "Dave told me that if he were to get hurt while protecting you that you needed this information to protect you when he could not.  He was very concerned about you getting this and that is his handwriting."   I nod and ask "Vicky do you know what it is?"  She shakes her head and hands me the case for the airbook. I slip the journal in there and computer in the case then put both in my bag, "Vicky, do you know the password?"  Vicky tells me no that David only told her that  I would know it.  I thank her for everything and go on to explain how I can't stay at the hospital any longer and ask for her to keep me updated.  She nods her tear stained face and I am not sure what came over me, but I hugged her.  We sat there for several minutes hugging and she helped me put myself together.  I give her my number and walk over to PS Webb.  I hear him mutter "lavender outbound in his radio" and all I can think is I need a new call sign because I cannot listen to someone else say lavender all day.

PS Webb gets me out of the hospital and back to the hotel. My mother has not arrived and I feel a tiny bit grateful.   After he checks the room and tells me he will stay next door, all I can do is nod.  The room is so empty without David and I go through to the adjoining room.  I see his things are still in there, so I grab his pillow, a pullover he has over the back of a chair, and one of his shirts.  It all smells like him.  I lock the door back and go back to my room.  I pull on the pullover, grab the laptop and journal Vicky gave me when a letter falls out.  I sit on the couch and start to read.

_Julia,_

_I owe you an apology for so many things, including now getting hurt or dying.  I want you to know that I did not tell you or SO15 the full truth about what went on on the top of Pascoe House.  I knew the shooter.  I served in the military with him and I'm not sure why I did not tell anyone, whether it was the fear of being taken off your service or if I didn't understand why Andy was on the roof.  Andy was a part of a peaceful veteran's organization and he was bitter after the war, but never full of the hate he has possessed recently.  When I saw him on the top of Pascoe House and knew he was the one who was trying to hurt you, I was torn between the allegiance I felt for the time I fought with him and the feelings I felt developing for you.  I lied to SO15 when they interviewed me the next day because how did Andy know where you would be?  Where did he get that information and how did he get it?  All of sudden a lot of things didn't make sense and I realized that if I told the truth about Andy then I would not be there to protect you or figure out who was trying to hurt you.  This decision will probably cost me you and my job, but know that every decision I have made since the night of the shooting has been to protect you._

_You will find in this notebook and on the computer all of my notes and observations about who I think could be involved.  I think there is someone who works out of the protection office, but I am not sure how high up it goes.  Be careful with your new PPO and try to find someone you trust to protect you.  I only ask that you keep reading and going through this material after I tell you this because this is where I will probably lose you.  Anne Sampson and Craddock asked me to spy on you and record your conversations in your room.  They were especially curious about your conversations with Hunter-Dunn.  I declined doing it until they threatened to remove Vicky and the kids from protective custody.  I felt so conflicted and that was the night when you asked me multiple times if I was okay.  Anne spoke about how I was your blue-eyed boy and Craddack talked about how politicians try to build favors to earn the trust of their PPOs so they would not share their secrets.  I was hurt and confused.  Instead of talking to you about it like an adult, I tried to handle it myself.  I would give them the bare minimum information and claimed I couldn't hear your conversations.  You will find what I gave Anne Sampson and Craddack as well as the actual recordings.  I am so sorry that I violated your trust Julia and I feel like I have only made mistakes where you are concerned.  If you are reading this then I can only assume that I have done one thing right because you are okay._

_I hope you can trust me enough to use this to protect yourself.  I am trying to become a better man and face my demons because you give me the courage to look them in the eye._

_Yours,_

_David_


	2. The Start of The Day After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was blown away by the kudos and kind words that all of you showed the first chapter of this fic. I would like to say in this story, David has been Julia's PPO for about four months. His kids school was attacked one month in and he was reassigned for about two weeks then Thorton Circus happened about a month and a half ago. It gives it enough time for them to be more willing to allow Julia to go to St. Matthews to give a speech and makes David wanting to leave his wife for Julia make a tad more sense.

_Sounds of bullets hitting metal_

_“Ma’am look at me, look at me ma’am, you’re doing great. Back up will be here soon ma’am.” I look into David’s eyes and I feel his hand it mine. For the first time since I was showered in Terry’s blood, I feel like I can breathe. It doesn’t stop me from screaming with each hit made by a bullet on my door. All of sudden, David let’s go of my hand, is crawling over into the backseat, and is getting out of the car. I reach for him, but the door is already shut shut. I don’t know what he’s doing, and the bullets keep hitting the car towards where he is, I fear for him. I can vaguely hear David screaming into his com about backup, but I don’t know what he is saying. Then the door is open and there’s David. “Ma’am I need to get you out of here.” I can only look at him blankly because aren’t we waiting for back-up, where are they? “Ma’am.” I look at him again, “I need you to trust me, this is what I do.” He shuts the door again, gets Terry out of the car, and we are speeding backwards down the road with bullets still flying. David is talking to me, but I am barely registering his words until he says, “all safe ma’am” and jumping out of the car with a gun. I hear myself screaming “no no no no, don’t leave me.”_

I wake up gasping for breath with David’s note on my chest and fresh memories of Thornton Circus. I don’t know how or when I feel asleep. Flipping through my memories and going over the dream, I realize that David was caught off guard and he would have been scared without his training. His eyes, his eyes showed concern and he was pissed that back up wasn’t there. It is in this moment that I have to continue on with David’s investigation. I don’t know why he wasn’t open about the shooter, but he has always been there when it counts.

I hear the notification buzz on my phone and groan. I look at my phone and notice a text from my mother, at least I will solve the mystery of her whereabouts.

**Mother: Julia, since you are out of the hospital, I have decided to go ahead on my trip to France. You should be fine. After all, they didn’t keep you overnight.**

I have mixed emotions, I’m glad that she won’t be here and on the other hand, I am frustrated that there have been two assassination attempts on my life in the past two months and all my mother can say is ‘you’re still breathing, you’re fine.’ ,I cannot tell if it is the British spirit at work telling me to buck up, telling me off for not dying, or if my mother is simply a bitch. They say I’m cold-hearted, I have nothing on my mother. I text my mother and thank her for her concern, which is being generous.

I send a text to Vicky asking for an update about David while ignoring the other nine thousand missed calls and texts on my phone. The only thing that I can think about right now is how everything has gone to shit, and I have never felt so out of sorts in my life. My body is in pain, my heart feels like it is being yanked out my chest and squeezed, and my brain is screaming that I should be dead, no one is lucky enough to survive a sniper and a bomb. Yet, here I am defying the odds, thanks to one PS Budd.

I need David. His strong presence and his calm blue eyes, thinking briefly about Anne Sampson Calling him my blue-eyed boy causes a small chuckle to escape. I hate myself because I crave him and need him like I need air to breathe. It makes me feel weak, I have never depended on anyone. I have never needed someone like I need him and at the same time, I feel stronger. He makes me feel stronger because he sees beyond my job and my tittles, he sees me.

I take a few deep breaths and pick up my phone. It is 0500, I have gotten at least two hours of sleep. I have a message from the PM asking to meet ASAP and another reporting that we will have a security briefing at 0900 with Mike Travis, Anne Sampson, and Stephen Hunter-Dunn. I guess there is no rest for the weary or the nearly blown up. The PM will have to wait, I have neither the interest or the time to deal with him today. Plus, Rodger will be there, and I would rather be back in Thornton Circus then have to deal with him today...or ever. Why couldn't someone blow him up?

The security briefing will have to go on as planned because I need to know what the police have gathered. Then I can take that information and try to build off what David left me. I need to know who tried to blow me up, who almost killed David.

I began my morning ritual and getting ready. I send a text to my protection detail to be ready to leave at 0800, I need to be at the Home Office with enough time to prepare for what will be a long and painful day. My arm and body hate me for taking a shower, I am not looking forward to their input on saving democracy later.

I have two hours until we leave, and I pull out the airbook and journal that Vicky game me last night.

I think over the postscript of David’s letter where he explains that the journal is his private thoughts about the events since he started his position as my PPO and the things on the laptop are proven or could be proven. He explains that he came to trust his instincts while in the military, while on the police force, and it was how he was able to locate the 1/10 bombers on the train. I will trust his instincts as well, but I don’t know when I will be ready to read his journal, to see his thoughts, maybe it will be when he is out of surgery? I guess I will have to start on the airbook, since I currently cannot bear the thought of looking at the journal.

I open the airbook and stare at the sign-in screen, Vicky said I would know the password, but I haven’t a clue. I type in Lavender first and I am denied. Too obvious, everyone knows my call sign, so I try seven nine, both numerically and written out, denied again. Then I notice a thumbnail next to the sign in box and it’s a picture of David Cameron, Tony Blair, and I shaking hands like the picture from my flat. I type in death star and I am granted access. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. I want to laugh and cry because I told him to go to the death star if anything happened to me and now, he has given me his own.

The desktop background photo is of a lavender bud and this time I do cry. It’s like he is telling me that we are in this together. I am grateful that I haven’t taken the time to put on makeup yet, but that’s mostly due to all the cuts on my face...and the doctor telling me not to wear any for three more days.

I notice the desktop has various folders and my eyes immediately go to the one on Thornton Circus. I click on it and notice there is a voice recording file, folders on DCI Sharma and a DS Rayburn. If I remember correctly, they work for Anne Sampson and are the lead investigators on Thornton Circus for SO15. Then I see the folder for Andy Apsted, our shooter and David’s friend. I need to see what David has been able to learn.

**Andy Apsted**

**Joined Her Majesty’s Army in 2002**

**Three Tours in Helmond Province**

**Injured in Operation Mashtarak in 2010**

**Excerpt from medical file:**

**Mr. Apsted began to show anger towards the British government during his rehabilitation. He struggled to cope with his injuries and the changes that they brought to his life. There were several instances during his time in the hospital (one year) where he would become violent and be medically restrained. Mr. Apsted showed continuous upset upon consequential check ins after his discharge. He continued to decline help for his PTSD and would remain silent during any mandated sessions with a trauma specialist, not even to state a hello.**

How did David get his hands on Apsted’s medical record? I continue to read through the information on Apsted and see that David was able to gain access to DCI Sharma and DS Rayburn’s investigation initial notes. They have been able to determine that Apsted was able to gain access to Pascoe House by impersonating a tradesman and they have been unable to trace where he obtained the gun.

I notice a pattern through David’s notes that points towards his friend’s mental health and whether someone was able to take advantage of his anger towards the government. I cannot help wondering the same and how David missed his friend’s bitterness turning into full on anger. Who was able to manipulate an Army Veteran enough that they would take their anger at the government they fought to protect and use it to assassinate a government employee? Who was smart enough and capable with enough time to achieve it?

I am trying to digest this information when my phone goes off.

**V.B: Dave was out of surgery for an hour before they rushed him back. The doctor wouldn’t tell me why beyond they suspect more internal bleeding. I’m sorry I couldn’t message you sooner, but I had to run home and check on the kids.**

**Julia: Thank you for the update, I wish I could be there. Are the kids okay? Please keep me up to date on his condition.**

**Julia: Thank you Vicky.**

**VB: Ella and Charlie don’t fully understand what is going on, but they know Daddy’s hurt. They are staying with my mother. Don’t worry Home Secretary as soon as I know then I will let you know.**

I continue a mantra of he’s okay, he’s okay repeatedly because if he is surgery then he is still alive. If they are still operating, then there is still hope that he will be okay. After I make it through that several more times, I want to text Vicky back and say to call me Julia, but there other concerns like the knock on my door.

I open it and see PS Webb standing there. I look at my phone and see it’s 0805, I’m running behind. “PS Webb, I apologize I lost track of time. Give me five minutes and I will be ready.” “Home Secretary.” I shut the door because I don’t need this man in my business, mostly I don’t need him to see what David left me. I slide the airbook and journal in my personal bag and lock it.

I check my sling, put my coat on with my good arm in the sleeve and the other side over my hurt shoulder. Pick up my bag, grab my ministerial box, and walk towards the door taking deep breaths telling myself I can do this without David by my side. I open the door and PS Webb goes to grab my bags and I wave him off, moving towards the elevator.

“Lavender is on the move.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My continued Disclaimer: I am American and know nothing about the military or how the police work in the UK. Wikipedia and google can only get me so far..Again, I appreciate you reading!


End file.
